


Purple Flowers

by DetCoAngel



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Haikyuu - Freeform, Hanahaki Disease, KageHina - Freeform, M/M, flower - Freeform, kurotsukki - Freeform, move on, tsukkiyama - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:53:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26127571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DetCoAngel/pseuds/DetCoAngel
Summary: Yamaguchi Tadashi is a 24 years-old regular office worker who secretly suffers from a lethal illness called - Hanahaki
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 42
Collections: TsukkiYama Week 2020





	Purple Flowers

**Author's Note:**

> The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from unrequited love, where the patient's throat will fill up with a flower, they will then proceed to throw, and cough up the petals
> 
> There are two ways for the disease to 'disappear'  
> (a) the said person return the feelings  
> (b) through surgery, thought the feelings and memories disappear along with the petals

First Flower: Pansy

Yamaguchi suddenly jolted out of his bed, he runs towards the bathroom, hands-on his mouth feeling that a huge lump inside him is about to push its way out. As he reached the bathroom door, he felt a searing pain as if something was trying to reap his throat apart.

*Cough*

When he looked at his hands, blood and several purple Pansy was all over. “Urgh. Again” He groaned as he slowly tried to regain his footing. Wobbly, he reached for the sink and cleaned himself up.Facing the mirror, he studied the reflection. Rumpled hair, ugly freckles, dark and huge eyebags. He sighed “What a fucking site”

After his usual morning routine, Yamaguchi rode the subway towards their office. Silently seating at the corner, he pondered about the purple flower – Pansy. Pansy was said to be a flower that usually grows in fall, it symbolizes free thinking and being considerate. “Yes, just like him” He smiled as if he was reminded of someone. Just like the small purple flower, Tsukishima Kei, is indeed a person that has a free understanding mind and who is always considerate of others.

**Flashback: Karasuno Elementary School**

_“Hey, lame-ass! Hurry up and hand over your lunchbox. We’re starving!!”_

_“Dude! Hurry up!! Your sobs won’t help you this time!!”_

_“Are you going to hand it over or am I going to kick your ass?!”_

_I was on the verge of breaking down and just simply hand over my lunch to these three scary-looking upperclassmen when a tall boy suddenly blocked my view._

_“What do you think you’re doing?” The tall boy asked with both hands crossed on his chest, looking down at the three bullies_

_“None of your business!! Stay out of this if you don’t want to get hurt!” The chubby boy with the hood angrily retorted_

_“Scram now you loser!!” The thin boy with a missing front tooth added_

_“Oh really? If I were you, I’m the one who’s going to scram. You know why?”_

_“W-why?!” The shortest boy answered, quietly intimidated by the blond tall boy’s taunt._

_“I already called the disciplinary teacher. He’s coming over to punish you, bullies!”_

_With that said, the three boys run for their lives._

_I turned my head up as soon as the rushing footsteps were gone. There – I met a boy with golden-brown eyes._

_Since that day, we’re practically inseparable. I learned that he was new to the neighborhood and their new home is just literally three houses away from us. We go to school together, eat lunch together, go home together, and when we have assignments or exams coming up, we usually camp on one’s house and help each other in reviewing. On our free time, I’d always play with him and his dinosaur toys. Although at first, I was really not fond of those, as I spend time with Tsukki, I slowly grew to love how adorable Littlefoot is in his favorite movie “Land Before Time”. I also am amazed and scared on how strong Tyrannosaurus Rex are, wondering if their still alive now, will guns be able to subdue them?_

Yamaguchi’s train of thoughts were suddenly interrupted when the announcement in the subway said that they were nearing the next stop, he prepared himself for this is his desired destination.

Second Flower: Cosmos

Yamaguchi went home late that night, as usual, the office was indeed hectic. Workloads are piling at an incredible speed since the holidays is fast approaching.

As he scanned the documents that his boss asked to be revised, his phone suddenly rung.

“Tsukki~” – the screen displayed with a sleeping Tsukishima as the background It was a picture he secretly took when they were still in High School. It reminded him the first time his heart beats for this gorgeous blond.

**Flashback: Karasuno High School**

_“Yamaguchi, you’re in cleaning duty today right?” Tsukki asked while fixing his desk_

_“Yes Tsukki” I answered while hastily getting the cleaning materials in the cabinet, thinking that I want to just hurry up and go home because my mind so tired._

_“Okay, I’ll wait for you. I’ll just stay in the library” Tsukki added. I just hummed my head and smiled at him before continuing the sweeping duties that the leader assigned me._

_After a few sweeping and more chitchats, I finally finished my task. Looking at the clock that was hung in the corridors, I realized that I spent too much time. “I hope Tsukki is not yet mad”_

_As I enter the library, there are only few students left that’s why it’s not that hard to spot a tall blond guy. He was sitting at the furthest corner of the library, head bowed down on the desk, facing the open windows beside him._

_“Is he asleep?” I ask myself as I went nearer to his place As I drew nearer, his face becomes clearer in my view. Short blond hair, pale skin, thin eyebrows, long eyelashes. His sleeping figure looks so ethereal, he looks so peaceful and calming. This is his first time sleeping in the library, so it was also my first time observing him this close. “You look so perfect” I can’t help but utter. I sigh in contentment as all the exhaustion I felt earlier all vanished in an instant. I want to touch his face, I want to hold his face, I want to be with him forever. And so as a momento, I reached for my phone and silently took a picture of the sleeping God in front of me._

_Hoping that one day, I will deserve more than a picture of his._

He composed himself for a few seconds before answering the call, anticipating the familiar scenario. “Tsukki?” his name was all Yamaguchi can utter at the moment, and as soon as he finished talking, all that can be heard are suppressed sobs and light hiccups.

Yamaguchi memorized this scenario like a broken tape, every time that Tsukki is in a terrible state, he will be there to listen. May it be financial problem, family problem, heck even that one time that he got upset over a drama the latter watched on TV, he was there to calm him down. “What’s the problem Tsukki? Are you hurt? Do you want me to come over?” Yamaguchi memorized the drill, but every time he hears Tsukki’s sobs, he’ll lose it.

“No *sob* it’s okay. I just *sniff* want someone to listen”

“Are you sure? Okay. I’m all ears. What is it?” He braced himself while waiting for the answer, silently wishing that it was just one of the angsty fic that Tsukki read or a super sad anime that the former watched.

“W-we f-fought again *sob* I don’t know anymore” Tsukki said in between his sobs. It was like a bomb exploding in front of Yamaguchi’s face. He was once again reminded why he was suffering. Tsukki is in love with another man.

As he was about to answer, another familiar searing pain threatened his whole system. He immediately muted the call to let a cough slip. Wiping the sides of his mouth, blood and petals of purple Cosmos stuck in his hands.

“Cosmos, huh” a sarcastic smile formed in his lips. Cosmos for peace, yes, he comes to me for peace, for him to be calm and collected, all the while leaving me broken and chaotic.

Third Flower: Crocus

**Flashback: Karasuno High School: 3rd Year**

_The preparatory exams are coming yet I am still undecided on the things I want to pursue. My mind is clouded. “Tsukki, have you decided on the program that you want to get in college?” I curiously asked the man walking beside me_

_“Yes, I think I’ll pursue Business Management” I nodded as a sign of listening, so he already decided on things._

_“Hmmm. If that’s the case, then I guess I’ll go with Business Management also” I casually said as if it was nothing_

_“What?! Are you sure?” he asked, bewildered at my sudden confession “Yes, actually, at first I am torn. My mom suggests that I should take Accountancy but my dad suggests taking Business Management. As for me, either of two is actually fine.” I said with face full assurance_

_“Well, if that’s what you like, then we can look for a great university in the city to apply for and if we can both pass, we can share the same apartment” he suggested. I was taken aback by his proposition. Weighing the consequences of living with him, because a few years back, I already admitted that I love this man. I know that when I choose to live with him, keeping the boundaries will be so hard to handle._

_Before I go to overthink mode with this mention, a hand suddenly appeared in front of my face, catching my attention. “Hey! Yamaguchi! Are you still listening? My suggestion is not that bad, right? We can both cut some costs if we share an apartment”_

_“Well, besides, were already comfortable with each other. I don’t mind living with you. I don’t mind living with my best friend!” he happily added_

_Best friends. Yes. That’s what we are. I promised myself to be contented in this set-up but sometimes, especially in these times that it’s being rubbed in front of my face, I still feel pain. The thirst for more, the longing for something greater is eating me up._

_And so we ended up with that set-up. As I thought, I could never say No to him. We have the same apartment, the same program applied, but we have different block sections._

_It’s our first day and I am so nervous. All this time, I was with Tsukki. We’re always in the same class, since elementary to High School, we are always together. So going in a classroom filled with unknown persons and no one to talk to is pretty scary for me._

_I barely managed to endure the first two classes of my college life. I just quietly sat at the corner, silently watching how the others easily made friends. The third hour was a free hour, I am about to call Tsukki to ask where he is when suddenly I saw him laughing so dearly with a group of people, passing by in front of me._

_“Ahhh. I forgot, this is Tsukishima. I forgot that he is always famous wherever he goes” I silently mumbled as I retreated, finally thinking of visiting the university library alone._

_At least I got to see him at home – it was the only thing that consoles my broken soul._

Yamaguchi woke up all sweaty, blood, and petals everywhere. “Urgh. I dreamt of that again” Yamaguchi angrily said as he adjusted his sight, looking at his hands full of sticky blood and petals. “Hmmm. Crocus” he said as he picked a single bloody petal.

The crocus flower symbolizes cheerfulness, youthfulness, and innocence. A genuine smile formed in his lips “Indeed, just like the Tsukishima in my dreams”

Although he felt so weak physically and emotionally, he still pushed himself up answering the phone that was ringing for the nth time. The caller sign showed “Hinata Shouyou”

“Hey bud!” The ever so energetic Hinata greeted loudly in an early Sunday morning

“Hinata, you do know that it's still 7 am right? It’s still so early. Why bother calling?” he grumpily asked

“Hahaha. Sorry, Yamaguchi, I was out for a run and I passed by this hospital. I inquired about Hanahaki Diseases, and guess what! They actually do procedures here! Do you want me to go with you for a check-up?” The other side of the line stated as if weighing the situation

“Shouyou…. We already talked about this….” Yamaguchi can’t seem to add more words than these. Because they both knew, they’ve been through this a lot.

“But….” The other interjected “Shou, I’m really thankful of your efforts….” After this, Yamaguchi said his farewell and ended the call

They both knew he and Hinata knew. Because all this time, Yamaguchi already decided. After hearing the doctor about the consequences he will face once he’d done a surgery, he lost all his will. He will forget all his memories that include the one he loves, and he will never be able to love again. He thought, “Isn’t that the same as dying?”

“Most of my life I’m with Tsukki, since elementary up until now. He’s still a part of my system. So if I will remove every bit of him, what will remain of me?” Yamaguchi asked his self as he cry his heart out, still surrounded by blood and petals.

Fourth Flower: Wolfsbane

“Good Job for today everyone! Since we’ll be having a two-week-long off from work, let’s drink out tonight!” The company boss announced and the whole floor of employees cheered. Since it’s been a tough week for all of them, having booze is the best way to redeem their selves.

“Ahhhh! Finally! A rest!” Tsukishima chirped as they walk down the street, following the group of their coworkers who are bickering about who will pass out the earliest.

“Yeah, finally. It’s been so long…” Yamaguchi nodded as an agreement

“I know right. Urgh! This feels so good!” Tsukishima once again beamed at him, making his heart painfully clench. Oh, how he wishes that he could see those refreshing smiles every single day.

Yamaguchi can feel a very familiar lump of mass, trying to rip his throat open, making it hard for him to breathe. But, he chose to swallow it back, not wanting to give any hints of the illness that he’s secretly suffering too. Not in front of Tsukki, and definitely not in front of anyone else. He doesn’t want anyone other than Shouyou to know his situation. Because when Shou accidentally caught him coughing petals, it took him a lot of time to explain his current decision.

Chugging down on his 3rd glass of beer, Yamaguchi eyed the now quite Tsukishima. He’s evaluating the latter’s current mood. Weighing if he’s about to cry because as far as he can remember, Tsukishima and his current boyfriend are not still okay. Adding to the salt, Tsukishima is a very light drinker. He can chug one glass of beer and pass out after.

“Boyfriend, huh” Yamaguchi once again wished that he could be that man. He wished that he could be as smart as Kuroo, as tall as Kuroo, as rich as Kuroo, as loved as Kuroo, but sadly, he ain't. A fucking painful reality.

As he plays in the willow of despair, a tremendous pain shocked his whole system, it’s a pain he never encountered before. He can feel the painful hammering in his chest, he can feel the clogging of his airways, he can’t hold it in anymore and so he immediately stood up and went to the bathroom.

There, he released a huge amount of blood and petals. Grasping for air, he looked down at the sink, looking at the petals. Yamaguchi felt like he lost all his blood, looking so horrified and with shaking hands, he held a lone petal.

“Wolfsbane”

According to a book that his doctor recommended him, Wolfsbane is a sign of danger. With so much nervousness in his system, Yamaguchi immediately went out of the bathroom to look for Tsukishima. He hurriedly went back to their table but the tall blond guy was gone.

“Yachi, where’s Tsukki?” Yamaguchi asked the blond girl who sits beside the now empty chair of Tsukki

“He said he’ll leave early for today.” The girl responded

“Thank you, Yachi! Please inform our boss that I’ll be going now. Thank you so much!” Yamaguchi did not wait for the other to respond for his anxiety is starting to kick in.

He is seriously worried about Tsukishima. He fished for his phone and dialed Tsukki’s number but no one answered. He tried three more times, but still, no one answered.

He’s literally panicking at the moment. Thinking that it’s not that much of a time gap between Tsukki leaving and him leaving the bar, he could assume that Tsukki can’t be far away just yet.

As he runs around the busy street, looking for a tall blond guy, extreme pain in the chest started to attack him. He’s having a real hard time breathing because of the constant running and here’s his disease, adding to the fuel.

He tried his best to even his breathing and swallow the mass that is trying to pop out of his mouth. He can’t back down now – so he thought. Not now that Tsukishima might be in danger.

In between his hard gasps of breathing, he still managed to call for the missing guy “Tsukishima!!!” he doesn’t care if he’s being loud, or if the others are weirdly looking at him. Right now, he doesn’t give a damn to any other except for Tsukishima.

Looking left and right in the intersection, finding no clue of the tall blond guy, he decided to turn around. “He might run the opposite way!” And so he runs, he runs as fast as he could, barely catching his breath, small amount blood escaping his painfully twitching mouth.

With tear-stained eyes, he stopped. Like a man suddenly thrown in icy cold water, he stopped. Like a man deprived of his soul, he stopped. He stood there, in the middle of the street, busy people walking and passing by his line of sight. He remained standing like a statue.

“Tsukki?” Yamaguchi whispered as he stared wide-eyed at the scenario unfolding in front of him. Hoping that the other would hear him, hoping that the other would notice him and his sufferings. He closed his eyes and prayed, “Please, just this once. Let him notice me, please Kamisama” he earnestly asked and slowly opened his eyes ---

Revealing a smiling Tsukishima, wrapping his hand around Kuroo’s neck, slightly pulling the latter for a soft chaste kiss. And everyone around clapped their hands.

“Congratulations!! Oh my god!”

“Tsukishima finally said Yes!”

“I’m super excited about your wedding!!”

“Wow, Kuroo!!! That was an amazing proposal bro!”

He roamed his eyes around, all of his co-workers are present, they’re all cheering for the newly engaged couple.

A lone tear escapes his eyes, and another, and another, until his tears can’t be stopped by just wiping. So he turned his heel to silently leave the joyous venue. He put every effort he can in making his presence not known. And he succeeded.

No one knew that he was present, no one knew that he had witnessed, no one knew that he was suffering, no one knew that he was grieving, not only for his heart but also for his life. As he reached his apartment, he let out all the blood and petals he was holding in for a while now. He didn’t bother going to the bathroom nor changing his clothes. He just laid in bed, crying, coughing, bleeding, and dying in pain.

Fifth flower: Moonflower

Yamaguchi woke up feeling light-headed, for a moment, he was confused about his current surroundings. Sudden pain in the head made his hand flew towards his temple.

When he finally calmed down and when the pain died down, he scanned the now-familiar place. A warm smile plastered in his face. “Ahhh yes, I’m back” Slowly, he tried to get up and walked towards the slightly open door. When he finally reached the sliding door, he took a deep breath and carefully slid the wooden doors aside.

The site of a garden full of moonflowers welcomed his sight.

This is his routine every day, specifically, for a month now. He would wake up light headed and walk towards the swing hanging by the tree, facing his garden full of lavender moonflowers. For just by looking at those flowers makes his mind at ease.

Like his usual routine, he tried to ponder on why purple moonflowers, yes, it’s a good sight to behold but, if anyone is going to ask what his favorite flowers are, he would answer Red Roses. “Why did I planted lavender moonflowers?” He asked himself as he tried to dig deeper in his memory, but to no avail – his head just answered him with an agonizing pain so he chooses to stop.

He then stoops up from his swing so he can prepare food, some of his college block mates are going to visit him.

“Wow! Tadashi! The countryside is really a no joke huh! Everything looks so serene” Koganegawa said as soon as he was able to step his foot on the old wooden house.

“Your place looks cozy Tadashi!” Lev complimented as he roams around the old bungalow house.

Yamaguchi replied with thanks while he is busy preparing for the food that he’ll offer to his three friends.

“Tadashi, are you sure this is okay? You’re all alone in this huge house” Hinata said as the short tangerine-haired guy followed him in the kitchen

“Don’t worry Shou, I’m definitely okay. Besides, even before my parents passed away, they wanted me to take care of this house. I just don’t know why did I choose to go to Tokyo thou” Yamaguchi said, pausing for a moment, thinking why he ended up in the city if he was tasked to stay in their family house.

When Hinata observed that the furrows in Yamaguchi’s forehead are getting deeper, he chooses to interfere. “Hey! Don’t sweat about it! I’m sure you have your reasons!”

“Hmmmm. Do you know why I stayed in Tokyo, Hinata?” Yamaguchi asked the tangerine-haired guy because he seriously can’t remember.

“S-sorry Tadashi, I don’t know,” The latter said while avoiding his eyes.

Yamaguchi didn’t push the topic anymore, thinking that it might just be one of those side effects.

Hinata was able to finally breathe. Of course, he knew the reason, he was there with Yamaguchi when he decided to go on with the operation. Of course, he would remember every sob and every hurtful event that Yamaguchi choose to let go as of that moment.

**Flashback: One month ago: Tokyo**

_11:46 in the evening and Hinata’s phone is ringing endlessly. He gazed at the man sleeping beside him like a dead log, carefully pulling away from his embrace so the latter could reach his phone and answer the call._

_“H-Hinata” one word from the end of the line and Hinata’s sleepiness vanished in the air._

_“Tadashi, what happened? Are you okay?!” panicked was all over his system now as all he can hear are sobs and suppressed groans of pain._

_He rattled the blueberry guy lying on their bed, grabbing his attention. “Tobio! Can you drive? I think Tadashi needs us right now!” Due to the shakiness of the tangerine-haired guy, the other man hastily put on his clothes and a few minutes later, both of them are on their way to Yamaguchi’s apartment._

_When they reached Yamaguchi’s apartment, the door was kept unlocked and so they hurriedly dashed inside. Their hearts broke at the sight of their friend – laying on the ground, a pool of blood and mixed petals of wolfsbane and moonflower surrounding him. They immediately picked him up and drove to the nearest possible hospital_

_As Yamaguchi was being rolled in the emergency room of the hospital, he gripped the hand of Shouyou “S-Shou…”_

_He was about to say something again but a cough took the better of him, spitting more blood and more petals – moonflower. “S-shou… help…” those were the last words Yamaguchi said before losing his consciousness. By the site of the petal that Yamaguchi threw out, and by his last words, Hinata understood what he meant._

_Moonflowers are known to represent mystery, like that of the moon and stars._

“Hey, Tadashi! You’re fine to stroll right? I want to go to the farm we passed by earlier!” Lev energetically declared as soon as they finished the meal

“Oh yes! Me too! I want to come also!” Koganegawa added

“Me three!” Hinata chirped while holding his both hands up

“Hahahaha. Alright, we’ll go to the farm” Tadashi said while beaming, influenced by the energy his friends radiate. He was very thankful that they came over to spend some time with him because after he was discharged in the hospital, he was lost. His mind is like a puzzle that loses more than half of the pieces. It was very hard for him to live in the past weeks, constantly trying to think about “Why” and “How” about certain things. But to no avail, he really can’t remember.

And now, looking at the excited faces of his friends, he finally realized that moonflower isn’t bad at all. Being a mystery to himself was not that of damage. Because he finally understood that he can still move forward with his life. Realizing that there are more sources of light. Realizing that the moon was never enough to light up the dark cold night.

**Author's Note:**

> Some notes about the Flowers I used:
> 
> Cosmos (Cosmos bipinnatus) – Cosmos feature petals that are symmetrically aligned, earning them the Greek name for “ordered universe.” Cosmos symbolize peace, order, and modesty. 
> 
> Pansy (Viola wittrockiana) –The pansy gets its name from the french word “penser” which means “to think.” Because of this, the pansy is a symbol of free-thinking and being considerate.
> 
> Crocus (Crocus vernus) –The flower is identified by its cup shape. The crocus flower symbolizes cheerfulness, youthfulness and innocence.
> 
> Monkshood (Aconitum napellus) –It is also known as wolfsbane, devil’s helmet, blue rocket and friar’s cap. It is often found in woods or areas with moist soil. Historically, the plant has been used as a poison, so it is known as a sign of danger.
> 
> Blackcurrant Swirl Moonflower (Datura) – Also known as datura, this moonflower grows on a vine and opens in the late afternoon, showing off its delicate, heart-shaped, lavender petals. Moonflowers represent mystery, like that of the moon and stars.
> 
> Once again, Thank you for reading!  
> Let's be moots! @DetCoAngel


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